DON'T LET THEM IN, DON'T LET THEM SEE.. BE THE GOOD GIRL YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE.

It had only been a few weeks at Hogwarts when Ren finally decided to head outside. She had spent the start of the year in books and away from people. She knew she wasn't a fun person to be around, especially if the person(s) were less than pure blooded. But today she would try opening up a door and seeing what was in store outside the castle walls. There wasn't much, really, but she knew she needed the fresh air and possibility to open up to people. The continual disagreement between her and her brother made her turn into someone she has never been. She shuts people out and doesn't even give most the time of day anymore. She could go on for hours explaining why it is all Janssen's fault, but of course, she knew better. It was her fault.

Without him in her life, all because of the guy he is dating, she has lost sense of direction and she really doesn't know herself anymore. She could try and tell you, but the Ren that used to be there is somewhere deep down and needs prying out. Anything about that Ren would be a lie right now, and she knew it as well. Without him, she has given up on her music and has really only been a student since. School work, studying, and sleeping. She doesn't socialize, enjoy the hobbies she used to, or even talk to people really. Unless they are a moving picture in a book, and usually it's just to tell them to shut up.

Today, she found herself really needing to get out and get some fresh air. Not really to talk to anyone, but she had been cooped up in the castle since she had arrived. She went out toward the black lake and decided the forbidden forest's edge would better suit her at the moment. She found herself holding her hips and looking into the deep deep woods as if to tell herself, just walk in there, and let nature have you... Had she really given up hope that much? No, her will power prevented her from letting that happen. She knew that things would return to normal given the right amount of time.

She placed herself sitting against a tree with her knees in her chest and wrapped her arms around them. There wasn't anything she could do at the moment for her and her brother. She began to sing a memorable tune from her childhood. A song that her and Janssen had written. It just brought back memories that made her smile, so she continued the soft tune; she just wished that Janssen's voice would enter in at the right time, but knew it wouldn't...

@shava4//457 WORDS
LET IT GO by IDINA MENZEL

Walker came out frequently to the woods edge mostly for this pets the red squirrels Daffy and Diffy. Letting them run free through the trees, he followed just inside the edge and not truly in the forest, but enough to be out of sight. It was a good thinking space really and he was deep enough into thinking about the past when he heard soft singing nearby. A glance up to see the squirrels also stopped to look down and check he was still there; goofy critters. A few clicks from his mouth and they relaxed, went back to playing in the limbs.

Listening for a moment, when the song came to a natural conclusion he walked as if circling through the trees to within sight of her looking up, then towards her as if becoming aware of her. "Oh sorry! I wondered who was out here when I heard the music. you have a nice voice, but the song's a bit sad for me." A point up into the trees as they scampered over a branch around the top chasing. "Not trying to spy, just following the boys. They don't stay very still and I have to keep an eye open when they move off..."

As they came around another tree, Diffy ran to far out, twig snapped off, and Walker's wand was up in a second catching the squirrel in the air just before landing, bring him back to his hand. "Diffy, you nut! Pay attention to where you go!" The squirrel ran up his arm and leaped out onto the trunk, scampering back up. "Diffy is a total klutz, mad little thing." His eyes showed affection as he said it though.

RENEE CORRINE FINDLEY

DON'T LET THEM IN, DON'T LET THEM SEE.. BE THE GOOD GIRL YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE.

She stopped singing as the boy walked into view. Her immediate thought was that she shouldn't even dictate him with a response. She could feel he wasn't the purest of bloods, but she didn't have the social energy to ignore him right now. It would take a lot for her to just keep to herself, he was talking to her directly. She blinked slightly and her eyes fluttered, she was taken back at just how attractive he was. It had been a while since she even paid attention to features of another person.

She pulled herself up as she watched the animal fall into the safety net of his wand. As he scampered up into the tree, her eyes followed him and then went back to Walker."Um.. who are you?" she said, a bit apprehensively. She was stand offish and was potentially going to be cruel. "Do you really need to be out here right now? I don't think I have the mental patience to handle someone of the likes of you.." of course, she was referring to the fact that she could smell he wasn't a pureblood, or close to it. This was a sign to her that she should probably try to open up. It was only another hindrance on her ability to make friends and move on. If she wouldn't be going back to her brother and being a good sister, maybe befriending others that weren't pure would be a good start.

She smiled half-assed and attempted to be kind-ish... "I mean... what do you want?" This still wasn't as good, but better? Maybe. She tried, at least. She waited for him to react, and hopefully he wouldn't be too sensitive to this. she knew she had a way of making people insecure and not like themselves. Her eyes fluttered again from his torso back to his eyes. This was unusual for her. It used to be so easy for her, but it isn't anymore. Her social skills are... out of practice. "Wh... What are you doing here?..."

@shava4//311 WORDS
LET IT GO by IDINA MENZEL

Strange girl.

As she spoke he got the definite impression she was trying to be haughty and socially above him, but Walker didn't feel there was anything to snub about. She was the one sitting down in the edge of the forest, he had been walking by. So he said her song sounded sad; she had ignored that completely. "The name is Walker," he said before she said something about her own mental state which to him seemed quite rude. "Well since it was only common courtesy, I guess I don't see the problem..." Even the uppers tried to obey the rules of meetings he had thought.

Maybe she was just a lone nut.

And maybe she picked up on that as she seemed to reverse herself completely or at least attempt to repair the damage she had started off with. "What do I want? Tough question. A lot of things from the forests protected to having a secure future. From you? Nothing much except manners like "Hi" and little things like "nice day." Rather then asking me what I'm doing out on the same land we both live on." He chuckled finding the whole situation somewhat surreal. Neither of them was anything but a student here; she might be hot stuff somewhere else, but school was where everything was even.

He reached out a hand for a introduction. "Want to try again from scratch? Hi, I'm Walker and I was just exercising my pets," he thumbed up at two little red faces looking down at them "when I heard your voice and told you you sounded nice. Usually most would then say 'thanks' and 'have a nice day' and we each continue back to what we were doing." It was clear he wasn't going to take what she had done as rude; he wasn't going to take it at all really. he didn't have to, not here on public land at least.

RENEE CORRINE FINDLEY

DON'T LET THEM IN, DON'T LET THEM SEE.. BE THE GOOD GIRL YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE.

She stood there, slightly dumbfounded. His logic had made a lot of sense to her, as it should. She was caught off guard and pushed her defense system. However, there was nothing for her to be defensive about. He was, after all, not a pureblood. He also seemed extremely harmless. At the moment, he's able to cast magic better than her and that made her feel unworthy of pure bloodedness. Her emotions were all out of whack and thus her magic was off by a lot.

As he spoke, she nodded slowly. There was no reason to fight back with witty phrases of some elitist saying of bloodline. She reluctantly shrugged off the thought of claiming him as not worth to speak to her because of his blood status and just went on to continue their civil conversation. "Oh um.. Yeah.. It only sounds sad because.. It just is.." She didn't feel like elaborating and delving into the details behind that song. It was surely sad, but it was also one of the last songs they had written out completely and sang together. It was about the trials of love and being there for one another, even if life would make you doubt it. She sang it as a duet with her brother and it was quite a paced song. Now, she sang it slow and sad. Without her brother to sing it with her, there was no emotion to put into it and make it that lively song she barely remembers.

As he went on, he talked about how he wanted to protect nature and his secure future. This made her smile. She appreciated people caring about the earth, that was one thing she still had going for her. Not sure if it's the fact that she is an animagus or not, but she does care about nature a lot.

He kept talking about her manners and she felt a bit bad now. "Yeah.. um. hi.." she tried. And he continued with restarting their conversation. This made her giggle which she quickly stopped and turned back to a straight face. "I'm Ren." She said with a small smile. It wasn't unfair in her head that he could make her laugh and get away with it. "I'm.. sorry, this interaction has become odd to me.. It's just..." she stopped herself before divulging too much and turned immensely red."I. err. well. I mean, no. I can talk just fine." her words made herself a bit angry and she stopped talking.

She waited a minute and her eyes moved from him, to the ground, and then back to him. Her timid stature quivered slightly and she spoke once more. "Thanks... Have a nice day.." She said what he wanted her to say, just hoping there would be no more conversation. Though, deep down, she really wanted to keep talking. It was just a lot harder than she thought it would be so it might be easier to just get on with her day altogether and head back into the common room. But what would he say, or do for that matter? She knew most people in these conversations won't really stop talking until they've come to some sort of mutual conclusion to either meet up again or figure that it just isn't a decent match for friends or anything else. Secretly, she hoped this would continue, but she would never show that to him.

@shava4//542WORDS
LET IT GO by IDINA MENZEL

There weren't many people that he really tried to avoid, but blood purists or social nut cases tended to make his teeth go on edge. It wasn't like it was his fault and no one knew what his blood type really was for sure so he was registered as a half-blood since they couldn't find any big families to vouch for his background. Would serve them best if he turned out to be the direct descendant of Gryffindor or something! Certainly, not even having a family, Walker understood more about pain and loneliness then anyone else here did. And the end of his year would be him on the streets so he felt no need to baby anyone into the notions they were superior to anyone else.

Period.

"Ah," he said with a wry chuckle, "that clears everything up then!" He smiled as she seemed to be loosening up a tad. "I would think you would want to sing something more cheerful, but if you're hurting, I'm sorry. I know enough about that not to ask." Boy did he ever. Nothing like getting your head screwed with and your past locked away by an enemy who left no key behind to undo the damage. He doubted many others could find something worse really to be sad about, but he didn't blame anyone either as he didn't talk about it much. Eventually he got a 'Hi...' out of her and then a giggle which made him think maybe she wasn't all bad.

The rest of her words were odd and made no sense, but about the time she repeated what he had said something else happened which is more direct interest. The squirrels had been playing still most of this conversation, but seeing Walker had stopped, they changed plans. Both squirrels returned to ground level in their own unique way, leaping through the air onto his shoulder and then off to the ground (Diffy of course ending in a roll across the grass due to miscalculation) as Walker half ducked throwing his arms up! As he looked to see them darting around in circles suddenly playing tag, he shouted "HEY!" And they both stopped and glanced at him curiously. "I've told you NO, don't DO that!"

As soon as he stopped talking, they lost interest and began running around again while he looked at the sky and shrugged in frustration.

RENEE CORRINE FINDLEY

DON'T LET THEM IN, DON'T LET THEM SEE.. BE THE GOOD GIRL YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE.

Ren watched his facial expressions as he spoke. He was a curious figure at the moment. She thought about how she would handle a response to this, and he seemed like a good enough person to have ears for only himself. "Well.. I just.." she trailed, fighting with her own mind if she really wanted to lay out her weakness to him. It wasn't like she would be able to take it back, but she didn't have many people to talk to about this. The one person she wanted to talk to about this was what this was all about. She shut herself in because she didn't have someone to talk to about it. She just, didn't trust anyone with something as fragile as her heart.

She looked to the ground and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. She looked back up to him and couldn't help the small tear trickle down her cheek. She rushed her hands to her face, took a deep breath, and tried to start again. "Ca... can I trust you..." This was the worst possible way to word this. She just wanted an ear, but knew that would lead on to be more than an ear. If she opened up, her shut in life style might just end. She just might make a friend. Did she want this??

It could be that if she were able to do this, her brother would see that she moved on from their dispute and maybe make an effort to restore their relationship. Or, if this Walker guy was, in-fact, a half-blood, she could see past her brother's boyfriend's blood status and open up to the possibility of befriending more non-pure bloods. She fought with herself internally. "Nevermind that.. But.. if you want to talk more?" She said with question in her voice. But was she asking him, or herself?

When he spoke to his animals, she giggled slightly. He had such an authoritative tone. Honestly, it was kind of hot. She blushed. "They really listen to you, that's great." She smiled, probably only the second or third time this entire conversation, but it was still a smile. He was bringing out a part of her that only her brother had managed to have her maintain.

@shava4//377WORDS
LET IT GO by IDINA MENZEL

She started to speak and stopped, as if she had forgotten the words or more likely forgotten how to speak with someone. Walker raised an eyebrow wondering what was going on in her head. It seemed he had found someone who needed to learn again what it was to be open. That was one issue he didn't have with many subjects except one. He waited she squirmed slightly and when she found a way to speak, he wasn't surprised at the words. "I'm not a blabbermouth if that's what you mean. I don't laugh at people's problems and I'm willing to listen if you need to talk something out." Seeing she was going to need to talk, he figured he would need to sit down and be on her level.

The little rascals!

He might have seemed upset, but it passed quick enough as the two dashed around playing still. Well he did bring them out to work off energy! "Gah you-- All right now guys! I'm sitting down! Don't wander..." He sat down not right next to her, but across not touching. He wasn't sure what she wanted or needed, but surely not some stranger right next to her! "So yes, I believe you can trust me. I'll listen, until those little buggers get playful again," he used his thumb to point over his shoulder where they could be heard running in the grass. "I had brought them out for exercise, so it's good they are still running at least."

As she said it was great, he nodded glancing at her face. "Yeah, Ive had them since they were first found abandoned. I've learned a few sounds they accept and they listen pretty decent. In the dorm they have a little den to curl up in and as it gets deep into winter they will get really quiet and sleep away the time. Some of this is just excitement that they can feel a change coming up I think." Knowing them he already had it set up with a god sized nut supply he would top off during the winter time too.

RENEE CORRINE FINDLEY

DON'T LET THEM IN, DON'T LET THEM SEE.. BE THE GOOD GIRL YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE.

As Walker spoke, she smiled and felt a warmth she hadn't felt in a long time. He was talking about talking. Being an ear for her to vent her issues. This wasn't new to her by any means, but it was unfamiliar to her by this time in her life. Before she could respond, he was hollering at his animals. She giggled, looking up at him.

How could this guy make her laugh like this, like her brother used to. Was he just too much like her brother? He looked nothing like him and sounded nothing like him, maybe that pulled her mind away from the idea that he was a lot like him. In how he spoke to her, not so much what he looked like.

And once he sat down next to her, she blushed slightly. She pulled her arms around her legs tighter but allowed him to sit comfortably next to her. She turned away, trying to make it look as if she were looking at his pets, but really she was just hiding her smile until it faded. She turned back and looked over at him. The whole five feet away."I--I appreciate that." she spoke trying not to smile, but just barely succeeding. He was offering her a safe harbor for her thoughts and life issues. She wouldn't have the bear them all to herself anymore, if she took him up on his offer.

She thought about it for a bit and let him continue the conversation. He went on about the animals he had roaming through the woods. She tilted her head sideways. She wanted to talk, but she wasn't really sure where to start. She had hoped that there wasn't going to be any kind of interruption from the little rascals in the woods, but maybe it would be a good saved by the bell moment if she happened to go too far into her history of why she has carried such a heavy burden lately.

"Well.. I'm not sure where to start. Walker? Right?" She spoke quizzically even though she knew the answer, and then went on. "For the last couple years, it's been awful." She looked away from him and down at the ground a few feet in front of her own feet. "It all started when..." She paused for a moment, just thinking about the fight her and Janssen had. They fought over a lot of things all at once. Feelings that had been kept in and piling up just being swept under the carpet. One day, finally, she burst out at him. He hadn't been spending time with her, he had picked to be with his boyfriend and blow her off often, and to top things all off the boy was muggle-born. The basis of their fight was not enough time was being spent together, and she used the fact that he picked a muggle-born over her as a leverage. Eventually, he grew sick of it and finally they had one last screaming match that ended in her breaking his guitar and ruining their friendship. Even though they'll always be siblings, there was no way to make their relationship the same.

Before she spoke, the entire argument played in her head in an instant. She moved her eyed from the ground and looked over at him with her eyes welling up with small tears. Was this really happening. She spoke, unfaltered, as if her eyes were just watery, "I had this big fight with... my best friend. Things just haven't been the same since. And it was a long time ago.. about two years now." As the words came out of her mouth, she felt each word like a dagger. Once she finished her words, she turned back to the ground and and let her tears roll slowly down her cheeks. Her palm quickly wiped them away and she didn't allow herself to cry in front of him. She never showed anyone this weakness, and she couldn't start now. Could she?

@shava4//672WORDS
LET IT GO by IDINA MENZEL

The squirrels, unabashed at their own behavior, continued as if he had nothing different and he was torn between irritation and being amused. Little buggers indeed! A shake of his head and then he turned his attention back to her. Her giggle had told him she certainly found it amusing! "Pets are great, but sometimes they take too many liberties I think. Cats would be worse, but these two are a handful..." he sat across from her and talked, not wanting to seem invasive. Nor did he want her to think he was trying to come on to her, as he suspected some guys might have tried.

She expressed herself, showing she appreciated what he was offering. Which really he had offered because she certainly seemed to have a mind full of things she needed to get off her shoulders. "Yep, odd name I know." She hesitated a long time before she could continue and he saw the tears welling up, but didn't feel right giving her a hug from across here to begin with; it felt like it would be super awkward and might make things worse actually. So he leaned forward and put a hand over hers saying "It's okay, really, take your time no rush..." There now she could grip it or not depending on how she felt.

Two years? Yeah, you could hold onto something like that a long time, he certainly knew that well enough.

"I would hazard a guess this is one of the only times you've spoken about it, right?" At her nod he nodded himself. "Yeah it can be hard holding stuff in for a long time I know that for a fact. If you let it build up it can do a lot of damage inside you too so my advice would be to let it out. It hurts you to hold it in, not them." He sighed, the old internal argument about how much to share inside. "I spent a few months inside St Mungo's learning how to deal with some nasty sh!t myself, so trust me you don't want to have that inside. Is this person here at Hogwarts?"

RENEE CORRINE FINDLEY

DON'T LET THEM IN, DON'T LET THEM SEE.. BE THE GOOD GIRL YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE.

As the conversation carried a bit of a wavering taste about pets and family, she realized that she was talking with someone freely. More free than she had ever spoken with anyone in the last few years. Once she made this realization, she turned red. Only a little pink, but still was barely embarrassed. This wasn't like her, to be embarrassed. She knew that she needed to get this out in the open, and if it was to Walker that she did this with, then so be it. He seemed kind enough so far. "Yeah, these two are definitely something, and cats would most definitely be worse. I am a total dog person." She said bluntly. She smiled a small smile and looked over at him. "But, I love my Odin. He's the closest thing I have to a best friend... right now." She spoke, knowing it was her brother's place to be but he wasn't and hadn't been there for a while now. Odin was definitely next in line and he would always be there for her. Even if his mother is Janssen's dog, Odin was her's and there was nothing that could tear the two apart.

She giggled as he agreed with her implication. "It's a fine name. Must have a lot of shoes..." She said with a small sarcastic tone. She kept a small smile with her eyes on him in hopes that she wouldn't crack from talking about her brother. Though, the thought of maybe she was becoming interested in him could be displayed by this smile never crossed her mind. But, it was that kind of smile. Almost exactly a flirty kind of smile. When he spoke again, her smile broke and she nodded slightly. She knew this conversation had started and would be going a long way into her and her brother's life today. He could be trusted, so she felt.

She listened as he went on. He spoke of his own personal tragedy. This didn't cause a reaction most would have thought of. She was relieved. She knew now for sure that she could trust him. He was divulging his own troubles. And regardless if he had shared this with his closest friends or not, he was sharing it with her. She was growing the comfort needed to fully offer the rest of her story. "That.. sounds awful. I'm sorry. I guess understanding that everyone has their own troubles has been hard for me since I haven't spoken to many people lately." She nodded slowly and didn't want to pry, so instead, went on answering his question and talking a little more. "Well.. He was. He graduated last year, moved out, and moved on with his life. There wasn't anything I could do at the time. How I felt was how I felt... How I still feel. I wouldn't have had a problem with it if he hadn't decided to be with him over spending any time at all with me. I mean, it wasn't like I wanted him to go breaking up with his boyfriend, but a little sibling time would have been nice... We used to be closer than most siblings and best of friends. And then he just started to fade himself out of my life. I wanted to do things with him but he was always too busy for me. It was... unnatural for him to not be around and it hurt.." Once she started, she couldn't stop. There was no way for her to. She just had to explain everything, even if it all made sense in her head, it probably didn't all connect once she spoke out.

She didn't explain on how the reason she was so mad that he was spending more time with someone else than her was partly because that someone else was a muggle-born. She had an issue with the lesser of blood purities. Mostly because of her father. And another thing that really hurt her was that they were no longer making music together. Then, it seemed gradual and she only noticed because she had started to get letters instead of the weekly hang out session with her brother. This caused her more pain than she could bear to show. Which is why she shut herself in. "I... I'm so sorry.."

@shava4//715WORDS
LET IT GO by IDINA MENZEL

A smile before he said it, clearly meaning it as a joke. "Oh I forgive you for being one, no worries." He had nothing against dogs actually, but he would never have liked squirrels till he ran across this pair either. Especially asleep, they were utterly charming. Probably on purpose too. "Odin is a dog I take it? Little or big dog?" Mostly asked out of curiosity, Walker had no preference, but it would tell him something about her possibly. Or maybe the dog was a gift from someone for a birthday who knew? Not in the orphanage at least. Birthdays weren't exactly happy affairs in there and more a countdown to being kicked out at seventeen as per the law. A lot of kids disappeared after that and were never heard from again. Not the best reminder.

She made a shoe crack and he made an effort to roll his eyes comically. "Nah, just the one pair but they wear well," as he let his robe fall over them hoping she hadn't looked as she commented. They were old shoes, very well worn, and there was no way that his feet could have been in them very long. Like many things in the orphanage, pass downs were common. It made him feel more poor then normally so he pretended a lot. The idea of one day having a family also held out the hope that one day there would be clothes that actually were his, not anyone else's. Was he wrong to want that so badly? Surely whoever his family had been had no idea what they had put him into. Was that maybe the reason the memories had been taken away, to prevent him from finding them?

He closed his eyes, the old fears and nightmares back in an instant in his head as he tried to push those away. He'd been doing well to keep them at an arm's distance, but now they felt like a gut punch again, the idea that all the answers were right there in his head and he couldn't touch them. No one could. Speaking about St Mungo's actually marked his control over those thoughts, his ability to shove them away firmly. So while his face stayed pleasant, his inner mind was grim, forcing a turmoil away. No one could see that. Ever. It was too much like being naked, exposing such a fear, a horror. It also would explained the rather haunted air that fell about him frequently. No, no one needed to be exposed to that.

She spoke, he nodded, trying not to think about it anymore. "It was-- is horrible. But I deal with it. I'm sure everyone has something to regret." 'Though few have anything on my scale.' For the millionth time he was inflamed with a feeling of reversed superiority, the knowing mind telling him he had troubles so much worse then anyone at school that they were tiny worries in comparison. He was worse off then all of them and hearing their little fears made him feel even lower, worse off knowing if they went to tears over something so minor... He shook it off again, as always, but that he was sure was part of the nightmares, the fuel they fed on.

Ah a sibling this time; that was a bit different from most stories which were about boyfriends or such. Walker had no way to fathom the sibling relationship nor comprehend it. "Ah so he's moved on, graduated, and you feel deserted?" He guessed that part he could understand some of, that feeling of being left behind as if not important. "Ah not a problem, don't worry about that. It feels good to talk it out some I would think. Go ahead and work it out."

RENEE CORRINE FINDLEY